Rethinking - a woman's place

I follow a blog called ASBO Jesus and this latest post made me smile

We see other religions and cultures and often criticise the way that they treat females.  And yet I can’t help feeling that Christians are not altogether blameless in this area.  We can quote scripture verses to back up our theories and in a way blame the Bible for our stance.  We say that after the fall God said that women would be subject to the males.  But thinking about it a bit more, does this not imply that before the fall that was not the case?  It was never God’s intention for it to be that way.  God sent His Son Jesus as a way of reversing the effects of the fall so surely that would also imply that after Jesus (the Christian movement in other words) things should be reversed also.  And yet much of the organised church today still makes a difference between the roles of men and women (although much of it is more open to change nowadays). 

We look at the story of Mary and Martha and see it as a lesson in being too busy to make time to sit at the Lord’s feet.  If that is all we see in this story then I think we miss a very important point.  At that time it was just not acceptable for women to sit at the feet of a teacher and listen.  That prerogative was only for the men.  A woman’s place was indeed ‘in the kitchen’, out of sight, in a place where they could serve the men.  But Jesus said that it was good that Mary was there listening to what He was saying.  It was almost as though He was not just telling Martha that but also showing the disciples that His message was for everyone as equals.  Jesus went out of His way to speak to the Samaritan woman, an absolute ‘no-no’ for any respectable Jewish man.  Time and time again He showed that women were (and are) just as important as men in every aspect of life.  The first message to be given about the good news of His resurrection was given to a woman to deliver to the disciples.  You could say that it was a woman who preached the very first gospel message.

Men and women are indeed different in their make-up, interests and abilities.  This is not about some women’s lib hysteria but what is important is equal opportunities for those who wish to serve God in whichever way they feel God is leading them.  I personally was fortunate in my younger days to belong to The Salvation Army where women are treated as equal – the founder William Booth is noted for saying ‘My best men are women!’  It’s time for Christians to stop pointing the finger at others and realise that they are not without guilt themselves.  If Christians really lived this truth then maybe other spheres of life would be influenced and changed.  And we should stop interpreting the Bible in such a way just to confirm our own sometimes blinkered viewpoints.  All this rethinking drives me back to the Bible, especially the words and actions of Jesus and try to see what the message is really about.  Maybe that’s why He has led so many out of the organised structure of church so that we no longer have any false loyalties that hinder us from seeing deeper into the truths of scripture. 

Rethinking - church

I am fortunate to be part of a very loving Christian family.  When I was a child, our place of worship was ‘The Salvation Army’.  I was involved in all the activities and enjoyed being part of it all, in my early twenties entering into full time ministry in this country and in South America.  Returning to England we attended the local Methodist congregation and again I was involved in various activities.  When I retired I moved to the south west of England and joined with fellow believers in a charismatic community church.  Again I participated where possible and helped in the charity shop connected with them.

I’m not what is known as a ‘church hopper’ going from one congregation to another but not settling in any.  My experience has been that wherever I was living at the time, to go where I felt comfortable and participate as much as possible and help in whatever way I could.  I soon realised that not all Christians are the same!  I mean that some groups expect certain attitudes about things while others take a different stance, some being more free and easy than others.  All this has led me back to the Bible and often I have found that what has been insisted by a certain group has in fact no real biblical foundation but is rather a tradition of that particular denomination.  Much of the activity and projects within a denomination are for the benefit of that particular group or their building and very often doesn’t lead to any benefit to God’s Kingdom.  It too often is all too self-centred, congregation-wise, to numerically build up the group – more bums on seats, as they say.   

It is so easy when attending a ‘church’ to be caught up in their particular teaching without question and live in a kind of spiritual bubble.  We accept whatever teaching we are given, being quite passive in our own search for God.  Our leader can often become more like a mini infallible pope where he/she can do no wrong and whatever he/she says must be taken on board and we are somehow accountable to them for our actions.  The ‘church’ comes to mean the building where a congregation meets – we often hear the question, ’which church do you go to?  In fact the Bible is very clear that the Church is not a building but people – the followers of Jesus, the Way.  Wherever we are as Christians, there is the Church.  For a few years now I have had no attachment to a particular denomination or group.  God is my Teacher and He is more than capable of revealing Himself to me.  And I am answerable to Him for my actions.  I don’t have to belong to a congregation in order to help others. My offering, instead of going to maintain a system with building and salaries, now actually goes to help those in need.  I search for God’s intimacy without any ‘thought police’ telling me what I should or shouldn’t think, read or watch.  I am not under law but under grace and it’s this grace that gives freedom. 

‘It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again with a yoke of slavery.’ (Galatians 5:1)  

Listening

Minsteracres Monastery near Hexham, Northumberland
where I used to go on retreat.

A number of years ago I had the custom every year of going on a three day silent retreat in a monastery a few miles from my home.  They were wonderful days spent with friends but in silence apart from the person who was leading the retreat and the one who each day was chosen to say the grace before any meal.  We ate in silence and walked around the grounds in silence.  There were no radios or mobile phones - a rare treat.  It was amazing though how on the last day when at dinner the silence was broken, it took much longer to eat our meal and people had to ask for the salt or bread or whatever whereas before everyone just noticed what each other needed and passed it to them - an interesting lesson!


I was aware this morning of the words, 'Be still and know that I am God'.  I began to reminisce about those blessed times that were spent in silence and so as I was in the house on my own today, I decided to spend a little time just sitting, listening.  At first it is difficult as the mind starts to race away with its own thoughts, organising things into the different compartments of the mind and using the time as a sort of quiet working/sorting out time instead of just being and listening.  When I did listen, I heard a few cars going by outside and then a louder vehicle - the bus that goes up the road.  It would come back again in the opposite direction in about 15 minutes on its way into town.  I heard the sounds of one of the children who lives next door as she was playing.  There was also the call of a wood pigeon as it sat on the chimney stack and the sound echoed down the chimney into the living room.  But through it all was the constant ticking of the clock on the wall.  It was like the regular heartbeat of time itself.

In the busyness of life, you're not usually aware of the sound of the clock ticking.  You only hear it when other noises have stopped.  But it is there constantly ticking away whether it is noticed or not.  How often do I get caught up in the busyness of everyday living, hearing the sounds of life happening all around but not always consciously aware of the heartbeat of God, constantly there whether I notice or not.  It's good to take time out and just listen - even for a few moments - to hear the sounds that are often drowned out by other louder noises, sounds that we don't usually hear.  In the quietness God often makes us aware of things that escape us during the busy everyday living.  Our minds are too busy organising and planning so we don’t hear other, less attention-grabbing sounds.  It is a good exercise that I'm glad I've recaptured and hope to do more often in order to hear what God is saying through the 'still small voice'.

Rethinking - marriage/divorce

My musings are about monogamous Christian marriage in Britain and not inclusive of any other religion as they differ greatly, some allowing various partners.

It wasn’t until the second century (about 110) that bishop Ignatius of Antioch wrote to bishop Polycarp of Smyrna:

"It becomes both men and women who marry, to form their union with the approval of the bishop, that their marriage may be according to God, and not after their own lust.”

So the whole idea of a marriage ceremony being connected with the Christian religion doesn't seem to have been the case in the first century church.  It wasn’t until the 16^th century that parental consent along with consent from the church became a necessary requirement.  Nowadays parental consent is only needed when one or both parties are under the marital age stipulated by law.

Divorce has been around as long as marriage.  Originally, it was enough for a man to state that he divorced his wife for it to be so.  In Old Testament times, it was not considered to be God’s will but little was actually done about it as it was such a common practice.  Jesus did speak against divorce saying that it was not what God had intended but also recognised the fact that life doesn’t always go according to plan.  After the 10^th century however, marriage was not available in this country until a few centuries later and then only for men of sufficient wealth to pay for the very expensive act of parliament required to grant the divorce. It wasn’t until the middle of the 19^th century that divorce was open to ordinary people.  It was still difficult for women to apply for a divorce as they not only had to prove adultery of the husband but also other serious problems such as rape, incest or cruelty.  It is a recognised fact that divorce is more common now than ever before but this is probably in part to the laws being changed and the fact that both men and women can apply on equal terms. 

In a survey done in 2004, the main causes for divorce were: adultery, extramarital affairs and infidelity – 27%; domestic violence – 17%; midlife crisis – 13%; addictions e.g. alcoholism or gambling – 6% and workaholism – 6%.  In the survey 93% of the divorces were petitioned by women and very few of them were contested.  Modern life differs greatly from only a century ago.  Women have careers and work outside of the home and the roles of husband and wife are different for each family depending on their work situation.  This can cause added strain on relationships and the rules of yesteryear no longer seem so relevant.  In 2009 it was recorded that in Britain 45% of marriages end in divorce, the number rising for second marriages.  This leads to larger and more complex family connections with ex-partners re-marrying and having other children. 

Family life is no longer so straight forward.  Marriage for life is still the hope for Christians but circumstances can change until sometimes to continue in the marriage can become intolerable.  I was quite taken aback and upset only a few months ago when a relative said that she felt she was unable to share on a social network, photos of her son’s recent marriage as both he and his new wife were both divorcees and most of their congregation disapproved of this.  This is not the case in many congregations but it is a sad reflection on the church as a whole (whatever any individual opinion may be) that those who are not part of the church construct feel that it is judgmental, exclusive and unwelcoming.  Those who are Christian and divorced are sometimes made to feel guilty of their past and unaccepted within the life of the church.  They mention their marital status in rather apologetic terms.  Life happens!  I’m sure God’s love reaches out to those who find themselves in such situations – maybe more so as they have need of some tender loving care.

While I still accept that marriage for life is the best thing, I acknowledge that often this is not what many experience.  Should someone who has made a mistake in their choice of marriage partner be condemned to pay for it for the rest of their lives?  Are they not entitled to find happiness and love because of some past mistake?  I have come across many who remain desperately unhappy in their marriage out of a sense of duty as a Christian and so feel necessity of ‘staying together’.  Surely if about half (45% in 2009 as mentioned before) of the adult married population are divorced then the church needs to be more relevant to the needs of people in the situations in which they find themselves today.  Maybe a little more tolerance, understanding, inclusive attitudes and a good dollop of mercy will help to show people that God does care about what happens in their lives. 

I must apologise for the way which this post looks. I wrote as normal but for some strange reason it has come out in white blocks!